Before you say anything: get your own answers
Children ask practical questions, and a vague answer can worry them more than a hard one. Before the conversation, find out from the hospital or the surgeon’s rooms:
- whether your child is likely to go to sleep breathing gas through a mask or with a drip in the hand, and whether there is a choice (see going to sleep)
- whether a parent can stay until they are asleep
- whether it is a day procedure or an overnight stay
- what the fasting times are, so you can explain why breakfast is different that day.
You will not know everything, and that is fine. “I don’t know, let’s ask the doctor” is an honest answer children can live with.
When to start the conversation
How far ahead to talk depends mostly on your child’s sense of time. Victoria’s Better Health Channel suggests:
| Age | When to talk about it | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Toddlers | Just before going to hospital | They may not yet understand time, so days of notice only means days of worry |
| Preschoolers | One to two days before | Enough time to play it through |
| School-age children | About a week before | Time to ask questions and build ways of coping |
| Teenagers | Several weeks before | Time to take it in, talk it over and ask their own questions |
These are guides, not rules. A child who has already been to the clinic and had the operation discussed in front of them knows something is coming, and silence can feel worse than an explanation.
Words that help, and a few to skip
The Royal Children’s Hospital Melbourne advises being honest but gentle. Its advice on procedures is clear on one point: don’t promise that it won’t hurt, or that it will “only hurt a little”. Children who are told that, and then feel something, find the experience more frightening, and they remember the broken promise.
What helps instead:
- Describe what they will notice. People in hats and gowns, machines that beep, stickers and a soft cuff that help the doctors keep an eye on them. Ask the hospital if you are unsure what your child will see; many children’s hospitals have photos or short videos of their rooms.
- Explain the reason. “The doctor needs to fix your ear so it stops getting sore.” ANZCA suggests focusing on the good reasons for the procedure.
- Tell them what they can do. Hold teddy, choose the music, squeeze your hand, practise slow breaths.
- Keep it short. Answer what they ask, then stop. They will come back with more.
The doctor is going to give you some special sleep medicine, either from a mask you breathe through or a tiny tube in your hand. You'll be in a deep sleep while they fix your ear, and the medicine stops when they've finished.
If you have the tube, you might feel a scratch when it goes in. There's a cream that can make the skin go numb first. You can squeeze my hand as hard as you like.
When you wake up you might feel grumpy or a bit wobbly. That's the medicine wearing off. I'll come as soon as the nurses call me.
That last line matters. Parents are usually called to recovery a little while after their child arrives there, so “I’ll be right there when you open your eyes” may not be quite true. Promise only what you can keep.
By age group
Babies Under 1
Babies don’t need an explanation, but they notice changes in routine and in you. The preparation here is mostly practical: plan feeds around the fasting stop times (see fasting for babies and children), pack a familiar blanket or toy, and bring whatever usually settles them. At The Royal Children’s Hospital, parents may not be able to go into the anaesthetic room with babies under six months, so ask your hospital what it does.
Toddlers 1 to 3
Talk just before you leave home, in a few simple words. Play is how toddlers make sense of things: Better Health suggests wrapping a teddy in a bandage, putting it to bed, or giving it its medicine. The Royal Children’s Hospital notes that children from about six months to four years are the most vulnerable to separation anxiety, so expect clinginess, and bring the comfort toy they never let go of.
Preschoolers 3 to 5
A day or two of notice gives time for pretend play: a toy doctor’s kit, a cup held over teddy’s nose as a pretend mask, a turn being the doctor. Preschoolers do well with choices that are genuinely theirs to make, so decide together beforehand which toy comes, which song to play, or whether they want to watch a show on your phone while the numbing cream works.
School-age children 6 to 12
Talk about a week before, and expect sensible, specific questions: how long will it take, will there be a needle, will I see the operation, can I go to school the next day? Answer truthfully and check what they have understood. This is a good age to practise a coping skill at home. The Royal Children’s Hospital suggests belly breathing, counting games, search-and-find books and “mind pictures”, such as remembering a favourite holiday in detail.
Some older children can have a say in how they go to sleep. ANZCA says that in some situations, such as for older children, starting the anaesthetic through a drip is preferred, yet some older children would still rather breathe through a mask. If your child has a strong view, tell the anaesthetist. Going to sleep compares the two.
Teenagers 13 and over
Tell teenagers as soon as you know, and include them in the conversations rather than reporting back. They may want to talk to the anaesthetist themselves, ask questions you would not think of, or keep some things private. Under ANZCA’s position on consent, the age at which a young person can agree to treatment themselves depends on the treatment and on the law where you live, and on whether they understand its nature, purpose and possible consequences. Many teenagers also have firm views on whether a parent comes into the anaesthetic room. Let them choose where you can.
Questions children ask, and honest answers
| They ask | You could say |
|---|---|
| Will it hurt? | "You won't feel the operation, because you'll be in a deep sleep. Afterwards it might be sore, and there's medicine to help with that. Tell the nurses if it hurts." |
| Will you be there? | "I'll stay with you while you're getting ready. Then I'll wait close by, and the nurses will call me to come and sit with you when you're waking up." (Check first whether you can go in at the start.) |
| Who looks after me when I'm asleep? | "A special doctor called an anaesthetist. Their job is to look after you before, during and after the operation." |
| Can teddy come? | Usually yes. ANZCA encourages familiar comfort items. Label it with your child's name. |
| Why can't I have breakfast? | "Your tummy needs to be empty so food can't come back up while you're asleep. You can eat again afterwards, once you're awake." Then check how long they can keep having clear drinks. |
Your own nerves
Children read the adults around them. If you are frightened, it is worth talking to the anaesthetist yourself before the day; a clear answer often settles a parent more than any reassurance from family. The Royal Children’s Hospital also says plainly that a parent who is very nervous or upset may do better not to go into the anaesthetic room. Another calm adult the child knows well can go instead. That is a sensible choice, not a failure.
Afterwards
The Royal Children’s Hospital suggests staying with your child until they are calm and then mentioning something they did well, even if they were upset: “You did your slow breathing really well.” Some children are unsettled for a while after an anaesthetic, with worries, night-time crying, bed-wetting or tantrums, which healthdirect lists among the minor effects. Patience, routine and a chance to talk or play it through usually help. If changes last or worry you, see your GP.
Common questions
My child gets anxious for days. Should I wait until the morning to tell them?
For toddlers, telling them close to the time is the usual advice anyway. For an older child, a surprise on the morning can make things harder: they have no time to ask questions or practise ways of coping, and trust can take a knock. If worry is building for days, it can help to talk once, answer questions, then keep the topic for set times rather than all day. Tell the anaesthetist about the anxiety. Calming medicine before the anaesthetic is an option they can discuss with you.
What if my child asks whether they will wake up?
Answer simply and truthfully. An anaesthetist plans and manages their care before, during and after the operation, and healthdirect explains that the anaesthetic wears off once the procedure ends. If your child is very worried about this, or you are, ask the anaesthetist to explain it to them directly. Children often take the answer more readily from the doctor.
Should I use the word ‘sleep’?
Many families do, because it is a word children understand. ANZCA says a general anaesthetic will feel like a deep sleep to your child. It helps to add that it is a special, medicine sleep that a doctor gives and stops, so a child does not start worrying about ordinary bedtime.
Do I tell siblings?
Usually yes, in simple terms, especially if a parent will be away for the day or overnight. Brothers and sisters who know what is happening are less likely to fill the gaps with something scarier, and less likely to eat in front of a fasting child.
Sources
- Better Health Channel (Victorian Department of Health). Preparing a child for hospital. Reviewed 12 Oct 2015.
- The Royal Children's Hospital Melbourne. Reducing your child's discomfort during procedures (Kids Health Info). Updated Jul 2025.
- ANZCA. Anaesthesia and children (patient information). Page modified 26 Oct 2026.
- The Royal Children's Hospital Melbourne. Anaesthesia and Pain Management: information about your child's anaesthetic. Accessed 2 Nov 2026.
- The Royal Children's Hospital Melbourne. Preparing your child for surgery: general anaesthesia (Kids Health Info). Updated Jul 2025.
- healthdirect Australia. General anaesthetic (child). Last reviewed Jan 2026.
- ANZCA. PS26(A) Position statement on informed consent for anaesthesia or sedation (sections 5.2, 5.3, 8.2). April 2021.
- ANZCA. What does an anaesthetist do? (patient information). Page modified 30 Sep 2025.
- Australian Society of Anaesthetists. Anaesthesia for children (pamphlets in English, Arabic, Chinese, Punjabi and Vietnamese). Pamphlet last reviewed 12 Mar 2024; page modified 22 May 2026.
- Written by
- Altitude Creative, health content team, on behalf of Dr Walid Aly
- Clinical reviewer
- In progress
- Review date
- Clinical review in progress
- Next review due
- Set at clinical review
How this guide is written, sourced, reviewed and corrected: editorial policy.
In an emergency, call 000. This information is general and does not replace advice from your treating practitioner. Your child's anaesthetist, surgeon, dentist or hospital knows your child, and their instructions come first.